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well, me and this guy ryan met through a mutual friend ours. he was like a loser and i wasnt so our friend really didnt think that i would even consider going out with him. we started talking on the phone and i got to know him better. i started to actually see [for the first time] that love is not about only looks, it is about the inside. some time passed by and we started going out. we were the perfect couple. i fell in major love. and so did he [so i thought]. we used to cry on the phone together because we loved each other so much. we were the couple that most people evied because we were just in so much love. we did the cutest things like saving text messages and showing up unexpectantly. we understood each other so well. we told each other all of our secrets. ones that some people didnt even know. i was his first girlfriend [he was like my 100th]. i had to teach him some things. then one day [almost 3 months later] things started to go wrong for some reason. we just were not connecting anymore. i remember the last time we saw each, i felt so distant to him although we had gotten the farthest in our relationship that we had ever gotten before [physical wise]. things slowly started going bad but i guess i just masked masked myself of it all because i did not realize the signs and everything until a few days after we had broken up. like just before we broke up [a couple of weeks before] he had not called me at all and it was for like 3 days. i just blamed it on bad reception. anyway, on our 3 month,he broke up with me. the sad part is, i really dont know why. was it because i wouldnt have sex with him? was it because of that 14 year old girl kellie? was it because he had grown tired of me? i dont know. i cried for days. even in front of my mom. i still cry everytime i hear the song "everytime we touch' by cascada because that was "our song". my heart still hurts. if you have never been hearbroken before, it feels as if someone is continuolsy punching you in the heart over and over and over. i dont want to want him back. but i think i still do. i dont want to care about him when i know he doesnt care about me at all . i dont want to love him. but i do. this sucks sooo bad. i dont even think that i can love again. and he was like a loser and i wasnt and he broke my heart! WHY? i dont know. at this point in time, i really want us to be friends. i love him so much. i didnt know what love was until i found him. when i told him i loved him for the first time on january 11 at 11:45 pm [he ever saved that text]. he even had written me a ten page letter on how much he loved me. and now he tells me that he had stopped loving me at the end of febuarary. wtf? how is that even possible? i wonder if he still remembers the time we were at the park making out? or the time that i wrote him a song and put it on a mix tape. or the time we had or first kiss on my birthday, jan.5. or that time we cried on the phone together. is all of that forgotten? is it lost only to be found in the mind of myself? i wonde if he thinks of me as often as i think about him. or if he ever cried over the break up. or if he ever regretted what he did. or if he ever wanted to get back with me. i wonder. i think it is only wishful thinking though. and i was with him through everything, all of his hard times. i was the one there to love him. and he played a april fools joke on me saying that he wanted me back. how wrong. i can understand him breaking my heart. but he also stomped on it too. i think he purpossfully wants to hurt me. no, i dont think he cares that much. i just want everything to go back to that time we were in love. if he even remembers that. but i konw in my heart, that that will probably never happen again. so i have just musturds up all of my might and am trying to move on.

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Story Comments

Re: Ryan and I  April 17th, 2007
Re: Ryan and I  May 15th, 2007