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This might take a while. So sit back, relax, grab a cup a joe and turn on some tunes if you feel like reading the whole thing.. and I could definitely use some feedback (it doesn‘t necessarily be positive..just something), if you wouldn't mind providing some.A lot of people say that kids (well, technically adolescents) can't fall in love. Well, whoever said that is a dumbass, because it's true. We can love. We do love.
I fell in love with an amazing guy. His name was Sean and he had the most marvelous personality. He was adorable, funny, smart, understanding (for the most part)..whenever I needed someone to talk to, he would be the one I went to. I could talk to him for hours and hours about anything, and he would know exactly what to say. I could tell him things that I couldn’t even tell my best friends. This is big, because I have trust issues. That’s a big part of me. It’s not a good part, but its hard for someone to break through those walls (I‘ve been cheated on before. It was horrible. It was the second worst event in my life so far.. You‘ll soon figure out what the first is. But after the person I thought I loved cheated on me with one of my friends, I told myself that I wouldn‘t get that close to someone until at least after high school.. Guess not haha). He did break through those walls. I could cry in front of him without feeling exposed or vulnerable. I also did things with him that I would have never done with anyone before.
Everyone always said that we looked cute together and that they could see us staying together for a long time. We were together for a year and 4 months. That was the greatest year of my life. A lot of my friends said that I was happier than usual, and I was. Everyone could see that change in me. He made me so content..cheerful..exultant. What we had could be simply described as amazing.
There were a few problems though (of course there were..). I'm 15 years old.. Sean is 19 years old. I'm honestly not one who favors to have such a huge age gap in a relationship, but this time it was different. He said that he didn’t care if I was younger (this is when I was 14 and he was 18). All he cared about were his feelings toward me, and I definitely felt the same way.
Another problem was that his roommate (and best friend), Matt, hated my guts. I have no idea why. I mean, I never even did anything to him. But apparently I "changed" Sean, and not in a way that Matt liked. All of his other friends loved me. We would all hang out and have a bunch of laughs all the time, but Matt couldn't stand me.
One day, when Sean and I were on the phone, Matt was in the background saying "You're talking to that bitch again, aren't you?" and all Sean said was "Yes, I'm talking to me girlfriend." ...That pissed me off.
Everytime I went to say something bad about Matt, Sean would always (ALWAYS!) stand up for him. But, when Matt said something bad about me to Sean, he would just blow it off. I asked him if he ever defended me when Matt talked shit on me and he said "No. I don't want to start shit between him and I." But he doesn't mind starting stuff between us? Now, that's just retarded.
This whole thing happened almost a month before he broke up with me. But, enough about Matt, let’s move on.
I lied to him about something - which is another huge problem. This is what destroyed our relationship.. I don’t feel comfortable saying what the lie was, but it was the biggest mistake of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very honest person. This lie was just a mistake. I didn’t want him to find out, but I had to tell him.. I couldn’t keep lying to him. It was killing me inside. So, I told him.
Through all the “I love you”’s, the “I miss you”’s… the tears, the laughter. Everything. Even through all of that, he broke up with me for telling the truth. I never thought it would’ve ended that way. I never wanted it to end that way. He said “Oh, we can still be friends, blah, blah, blah” but I didn’t just want to be friends. I wanted to be his girl (and I still do).
Our “friendship” went on for a while. We talked casually, but never like we did when we were together.
I hated not being with him and just being friends with him. I loved him more than I have ever loved anyone in my life (which is the complete truth). When I asked him if he loved me… I asked for the truth.
He said that he didn’t know. I didn’t bug him about it for a while, but he would always bring up things about when we were together. And when I told him that I loved him, he would ask me not to say it. So I stopped altogether, because he said that he wanted to take a “break” from talking to me (that’s so gay..).
A few days later, I told him that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Everything reminded me of what once was, and I couldn’t take it. I told him that all I want is the complete and honest truth of whether or not he loved me, and if that was a no, I wouldn’t bug him anymore. We would never have to talk to each other again. I felt like it was a game with him not telling me whether or not he really loved me, and that I was sick of the game because I’ve been played so many times before.
His exact text message (yeah, he fricken text messaged me) was. “No, Sarah. I do not love you. Please do not love me because I absolutely do not feeling the same. I just don’t. I never will.”
That’s the last thing he said to me. All I could think was that through all the things we’ve been through together, how can he not feel the same way? I told one lie.. One lie and that was all. But then I told him the truth, because I loved him. I never thought that this lie and truth would ruin our relationship. He always said how much he loved me, and that what we had was so special. Now we don’t even talk. He doesn’t even want to talk to me. I mean, sure, he said that if I ever really needed someone to talk to, I could email him…but when he already knows what’s wrong with me now and he won’t do anything about it, what could he do to me in any other situation? Nothing.
I feel like my heart was torn out of my chest, ripped up into a thousand little pieces, thrown to the ground, and stomped on numerous times by the one I love so much who doesn’t love me back. It’s the worst feeling in the world. It really is.
Its been 2-ish weeks since we said our last goodbye’s, but I still feel as if I love him. I do. I love him with all of my heart. I know for a fact that I do, because after all the horrible things he said to me, I still feel something for him.
I wish that I could just kiss him once more and be in his arms, especially now, because I‘m sick. I found out a little bit ago that I might have a tumor (in my occipital lobe or some crazy doctor stuff like that. Its not deadly, but it hurts like a bitch) and I want nothing more just to tell him and have him comfort me, but I know I can’t. I‘ll feel like I‘m just trying to get his pity.. We shared so many things together, and I just want that back.
My friends know that I’m hurt. They can tell that there’s another sudden change in me, but this time, that change took a turn for the worst. I try to put on a happy face, but I know that everyone can see through it.
So, that’s my story about my heartbreak.
Feel free to respond.
Dear Heart-Breaker,
Everyone says to give up on you,
But they don't see you like I do...
You are the one who broke my heart.
You're the reason my world fell apart.
You are the one who made me cry,
Yet I still love you, and I don't know why.
I will give you a kiss, and give you the world.
I'll give you my heart...
I'll be your girl.
I will give you my smile, and give you my time.
Just give me your love, and I'll make you mine.
I have loved you since this whole thing started.
Please baby, will you give me one more chance?
Sincerely. Yours Truly. With Love
The Broken-Hearted</3
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Story Details
| Were you the heart-breaker or heart-breakee | |
| Heart-breakee | |
| What stage(s) of heart break are you in? | |
| Depressed and defeated | |
| Utter collapse | |
| Denial...he/she still likes me | |
| Anger and bitterness | |
| Confusion...why? how? | |
| What type of relationship caused your broken heart? | |
| A long-term relationship that resulted in long-term heartbreak | |