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I have a girl that i really really really love so much and we used to love each other. We live together in a small room that we rent. But now she doesen't love me anymore, even worst now she's in love with a good friend of us and now they're getting together. I'm not blaming him, her or anybody but me. He was so perfect to her, he was kind of a man, he can give the happiness to her that i never give to. I know when she with me i give her a lot of painfull rather than happiness. I'm not a good guy, i'm a troublemaker, a loser, a jobless, a hot tempered person, a thief, a drug user, a marijuana dealer, ex prisoner and the most i hate so much abuot me that i was a fuckin' gambler. I'm ashame person to her. I was addicted to gambling, i'm stuck and caught in a circle of gambling. I gamble a lot, i play poker and soccer betting. It's make my common sense is being controlled by fuckin' gambling. I've became a hot tempered person when i lost the game so we often arguing, but i never beat her. I make her in a lot of trouble, i spent her money. We often use her money for our daily needs rather than mine because i spent it all in a table of gambling. Like buy some food, pay the rent, even worst when we're on a date we use her money to pay the bills. It happen so many times. I can't forget for this three things that makes me so sad and ashamed. The first one is when she so hungry i can't even buy the cheaper food, so she come to her parents house just to eat. The second one is when i pawning two stuffs that belong to her so i can get funds to gamble, but i lose it out, i lost the game so i can't handle it. And the last one was so embarrassing, his ex was loan shark agent. He advertising it to her. I get intrested about the advertise so i borrow some money. Again and again i failed the game. So she angry to me, she decide to leave me. So we didn't see each other for three months and i didn't want to looking for her because my situation is broke and i've became a bummer. But evidently she sent me an e mail and said that she missed me and she want me to married her. From of all the things that i've done, my feelings about her is love, i don't want all this things happen but my common sense is controlled by other things and ego, i was so full of regret and i want to redeem my mistakes. So i reply her e mail with a promises that i will come to her to redeem all of my mistakes and married her. But i don't want to come with the same person that i used to. So i ask her to maintain her feelings to me. I promise when i became a better person i will come to her, when i'm ready as responsible man, when i'm ready to give her a lot of happiness. Because i can't hurt her anymore, i don't want to hurt her anymore, not anymore. Maybe this is the only promise that i can keep to her. And i did it. I came to her with the promises that i keep. But when i come the situation is different. When i came to her, she said it was too late and now she's not love me anymore, the feelings is gone. She gave her love to other man that she used to gave to me. I write this not to ask. But i just want to share and remind to you whom reading this, that when you love a women don't let anything take control of your common sense!

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