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The Story

It's hard to say how things ended, but it's easy to look at where they started. I remember it clearly, it was your typical weekend, there were drunk people in the dorms, there were parties, there was drama. I decided to be a "lone-rider" that night and bounce around from group to group. It was still the start of college and I needed to meet some new people/build up friendships. My plan sort of back-fired and I was left completely alone because everyone had left. I took a walk. It was JUST starting to get cold because of fall and I remember I didn't have a jacket, so I didn't want to stay out too long. I saw people walking back from the parties and we'd exchange 'hi's' and 'how's your night going?'s'. It was weird being the only sober person that I knew besides my roommate (who I believe was off-campus that night) and I remember not wanting to go to the party. At this point in my life, I'd never touched alcohol, and I was proud of it. I somehow ended up at the party (fate, it seemed) and awkwardly stood outside debating whether or not to go in. I decided to leave and started to walk away, when she came up. I'd seen her around, a lot, it's hard to miss the platinum blonde hair with the two black stripes and the tatoos on her chest. She had a septum piercing too, I remember when I'd see her before I knew her, I always said 'She'd be a lot more attractive if she didn't have her septum pierced'...oh how it grew on me. I was astonished when she came up and introduced herself... girls don't introduce themselves to me, especially not extremely attractive ones. She said her name was Katelynn. I was polite but still semi-in shock but she was a little tipsy so I don't think she noticed. We made some small talk about hair and tattoos and such and then she said she was walking back, and I said I was too, so we did. She claimed her hands were cold and wanted me to warm them up, so I promptly grabbed them and started rubbing them until I thought they were warm enough, this resulted in us holding hands for the duration of our walk back. We talked about music and birthdays and random things that came to mind. There were butterflies in my stomach... I'd never brought a girl back to the dorms before. We went into a random kid's room and watch Chapelle's show for about 5 minutes until I was bored and said I was leaving. Katelynn got up and said "me too". We decided to walk together. I guess in a way I was testing her... I announced I was leaving first and she followed... she wanted to hang out with me. We were debating what to do and she suggested going back to her room. I knew where this was going. We sat on her bed and talked for awhile. I'm not the type to make the first move, nor to make out with random girls that I'd just met, so I kept my distance. I didn't quite realize it then, but she had every intention of us making out. We chatted for even longer. I remember making her laugh, and feeling giddy because I wasn't screwing up. After awhile, I knew it was either 1)make out with her or 2)leave. I opted to leave. It was hard, but I didn't want things to be awkward later on. It was a life-changing decision...

I was in it already... I was standing on a target with a ton of bricks about to fall on me but I was unwilling to look up or down. I remember being giddy and calling my friends to tell them I'd actually met a girl. I'd met a girl. How strange... me... girl... the two don't always add up. This seemed like it could work though, I hadn't screwed up yet, I was in the clear to proceed. This was it. I was going to try.

I didn't see her for a week. I remember hoping that we'd somehow run into each other. I met her on a Saturday, and I remember not seeing her until the following Saturday morning, in the computer lab. We waved and I went over and said hi. She invited me to hang out that night. I quickly accepted. I couldn't believe this was happening. I went up to her room later that night, she'd already started drinking. There was a dance party in a room down the hall, so we went to that. She drank some more. I made plans to get some soup with my roommate around 11:30, so I left about then and got the soup, then came back to the room at about 12:00. It was deserted... they were gone, she was gone. I wondered the halls for awhile and then decided to venture to the parties to find her. I managed to find a few of her friends at a party and they said she had basically passed out so they put her in her room. I was pissed. How could they just LEAVE her there? We ran back together to check on her. They said her door was unlocked, and I was the first to get there. I tried to open it but it was locked. We assumed she had somehow managed to get up and lock the door. We knocked and started yelling to try and wake her up. The door opened, but instead of 115 pound Katelynn standing there, it was a 6 foot 5, 250 lb man... I kinda stepped back, and then we asked if she was alright. He said "yea, she's just really drunk". I could see her feet, she was on her bed just kind of... rolling around. I believed him, he seemed to know what he was doing. We left him with her. I asked who he was, and one of Katelynn's friends said it was her boyfriend. I was hit pretty hard, but, I was used to stuff like this happening. It all seemed too good to be true anyways. Of course she had a boyfriend. Girls like her are never single, and they're never interested in guys like me.

The next day was the first day I really "met" katelynn. We walked to the arc with her and and hall. Katelynn and I walked alone the whole way, just... talking. The whole adventure took about 4 and a half hours, and we talked the entire time. I hadn't screwed up yet, but she was dating someone so I knew it was pointless anyways. We hung out everyday that we could after that. We talked about everything and I became more and more interested in her. I found out after a few conversations (and after I finally got enough courage to ask) that the guy who answered the door was not her boyfriend, but merely a good friend of hers. His name was Joe, and her and him had dated on and off since sophomore year. He's 4 years older than her too. I didn't care, she was single, and she somehow always wanted to hang out with me. We hung out like this, walking, talking, for about 2 more weeks. Everyday. Then she told me she liked me. It seemed to be a shock, but it made sense. I guess I assumed she did, the way she was acting. Usually my assumptions are wrong, but for some reason I knew this one. I just... knew. We hung out even more and more, and then I asked her out. We were dating... this was it, my dream come true. I had finally succeeded. This seemed like more than succeeding though, this was like winning the lottery. Things were great.

Our relationship wasn't how I imagined it, things started off physical, but they sank back into our usual hanging out, talking, walking relationship. I loved it. We'd talk, we'd hold hands, we'd kiss, we'd fall asleep together. It was everything I'd been looking for, and it kept me busy and my mind off other things. This went on for about 4 weeks, then it hit the fan.

I’m not sure how much I can say, or want to… it’s hard to really figure out what really happened. Katelynn kept sort of… disappearing to Joe’s house, which she assured me was just because her and him were such good friends. I trusted her. Basically, it started to get to me, not only because she was with him several nights of the week, but because she wasn’t with me. I missed her, a lot. I didn’t like not being around her. I was in it a lot deeper than I initially thought. One night, she announced she was going to head off campus again. I asked if she was going with Joe and she said ‘no, I met this guy on myspace and we’ve been talking for a couple months, so I’m going to go hang out with him. I immediately started questioning her. This was possibly the sketchiest things she could possibly do. Eventually, she started accusing me of stereotyping and discriminating, and said that if I wanted to meet him, I could. I said I really didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want her to go either. After a while of arguing, I decided that I would like to go, but then she said I couldn’t. I kept telling her that I wanted to go, that I wanted to meet him, talk to him, something… but she didn’t want me to. I still, to this day, am unsure of what her intentions were with him, but she left. I remember distinctly that I made her kiss me goodbye… which was a ritual that we didn’t normally do. She left. I remember her walking out the door… and there really wasn’t anything I could do to stop her. If I knew what was going to happen, I would have never let her leave my side, no matter how mad she got, no matter how much she fought back, I wouldn’t have let her. No way would I let that happen to ANYONE. I’m not 100% sure what happened that night, but it was bad, and things haven’t been the same. We broke up a week later. Joe called me that night and told me a bunch of stuff that had happened and had “been happening” with him and Katelynn. I didn’t believe him, and I didn’t want to. I was in sort of a state of shock. Basically, from what I can distinguish at least, is that she was telling a lot of lies, and that he was telling a lot of lies, and between the two of them, there was the truth. It’s just hard to distinguish what is fact or fiction though. Yea, so… we broke up, and… it was actually really good. We both knew it had to happen, we both knew things would be better this way, but, that doesn’t mean it didn’t/doesn’t hurt. I’m still recovering, but that’s mostly just because I still see her almost everyday, and we broke up only a few weeks ago. We dated for exactly one month.

It’s hard to describe what I’m feeling now. I’m confused, and everyday I get a little bit less confused about one thing, and a little bit more confused about another. It took a long time for things to sort of “settle in”, to feel “right”. They still sort of don’t, but it’s better than it was. Things are weird. She’s sort of back together with Joe, and there’s still drama between everyone. If I only could have stopped her…


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Re: The whole story, from the beginning  November 12th, 2007