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I met him in a local gay bar. He was the Bartender. I did not pay much attention to him the first few times. Then as luck would have it we got to chatting and I was infatuated with him. This was cool for awhile (about two months). I
would talk to him and he to me. I think I listened more than I talked. Might wa well throw this out there too.
I am 63, male, ok looking and as I thought pretty sound and sure of myself. He is 27, handsome to a fault, dark hair, dark eyes, and straight. Yes he is straight and working in a gay bar. Hey, he is open minded and living with parents and working his way through College. He is a nice guy and not the type to use someone, so I dont't blame him for this at all.

It just happened one nite while I was leaving and I discovered that I had fallen off the deep end and was actually in love with him. Wish I could use his name but that would not be right.

I hae spoke to him and tald him how I feel and that I did not mean for this to happen. He is good with it and really tries hard to be a good friend. It just hurts so damn much when that is all it can ever be. I did not want this to happen.

You havve no idea how many times I have leftr that place kicking my heart out of the door. I tried staying away and only going in on his days off but I don't know which is worse, not seeing him at all or seeing him and not having him.

We speak very candidly and openly about it. He tries really hard to be supportive and kind and sometimes that just makes it all worse. I tend to tip him a little excessively at times and he chastises me for it. He has offered the money back but it is not about the money.

He has to socialize with others in the bar because it is his
job. All of the regulars know the score and 90% of those who just come in occasionaly. Most of them tell me to forget him and move on and they don't really like him that much. Fine, I did not like him at first either. It just happened damn it. They are supportive and kind. Could not ask for a better bunch of friends.

I will be leaving soon for a few months to travel up north
to get an organ transplant ant will be gone for a few months so he gave me his number to stay in touch and I could
keep up with what all is going on while I am gone. That is how he is. He really is sweet and caring. He is always reminding me that he is straight "Richard, now you do remember that I am straight" "Just don't want anyone getting hurt". Shit, I mean how can you be mad at someone like that. I am not naive. Even is he were gay he would
most likely find someone else but let me dream for a while please.

I want to get over him and then I don't know how. I will
see him tomorrow and he always saves some time for me to just talk. I will go home and go to bed and sometimes later he will send me a text saying "goodnight" "on my way home".

I still can't get over how it got out of control. I have always been able to control these type of situations before they get to this step...must be getting old and letting my guard down. If I get over this you can damn well bet it won't be happening again.

Thanks to anyone reading this. It helps a little, very little just putting it out there.

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