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The Story

Well,I am so miserable right now, that I decided to be part of this community. I just thought who the hell will read anything I write? But then again, Facebook is too public, and my family and dear friends could make fun of me, going through this giddy, somehow, psychotic part of living.
So here it is.
When I was in College I felt like I can take on everything. I only have "MU" or mutual understanding because deep inside me, I was assertive that when comes a time that I can say I am ready, the process will be easy.
Until I met this guy. He is not the type that will sweep you off your feet the first time you'll see him. He is so simple and quiet at first. Later on you'll see that he is playful with friends, then he SMILED. And I went like, WOW!
I caught myself staring.
Later on I knew that he was intelligent. He was nonetheless, the only honor student on their batch and that he was a consistent outstanding top student from grade school.
So, I kept staring at him day after day, until one day, he stared back.
I grasped for air, I couldn't move a muscle and I know that I was getting obvious in my mute panic stage. From then, we kept on exchanging stares.
I thought that he caught me, but the worse of my conclusion was, I also thought I caught him. My rambling thoughts kept me sane but my presumptuous mind seemed more stubborn.
So, one magical day, I texted him. And unexpectedly, we clicked instantly!
I was so happy! I eat happy! I go to work happy! I sleep happy! I was happy.
Then one glorious day, I revealed my identity, for the thought that it was unfair to him. And......
I was rejected in a subtle most hurtful manner.
All along we were discussing of our past affairs and he mentioned of the only girl that he courted and rejected him. She was a trending topic to our daily convo. I did not feel the slightest of frustration that time, because he was relating it like it was part of his past already.
But, on that day of revelation, without me asking, he texted.. We are still texting, "that girl" and him. And my world fell apart.
After that, he still texted "good morning" and "good night", he sometimes texts "how are you?" messages. So, I said that I wouldn't text anymore. I know that he is not into me now, he indirectly pointed out that he don't want me; he doesn't like and for me, the follow-ups were just respect messages. Respect that I will be the one to say, OK we won't text anymore.
So, I texted him that we won't text anymore, and he was like, "what's into you?". The next days, were bare no text nor "good night" days.
I didn't know that I could be so broken in the most mediocre way. And I never thought that I could consider it as an emotional story. It is sort of comedic. But, I was broken that I cried myself to sleep.
I felt less to everyone after. I felt like I am unlikeable and that I should not have my standards for my Mr. Dream Guy because I am a loser, and losers don't deserve winners. I was so devastated, it hurts until now.
I still checks my phone first thing in the morning, after shower, during breaks and before I go to sleep.
I wished he will but he seems so unreachable... so unreachable.


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