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Contrary to the famous song written by Cat Stevens, The First Cut is the Deepest, I feel like the last cut is the deepest one. Now I'm not a teenager anymore and even my age is approaching to 30s but i'm always wondering why my emotions and feelings around him were too similar to those of a Seventeen year old girl. And maybe that kind of immaturity keep me away from him :(. I used to get a lot nervous every time he stared at me. I felt insecure and inferior and so I tried to suppress those and pretended to be composed. Maybe he think of me as I'm not interested in him. But, I was shaking inside and love him truly. Although I never made a direct eye contact with him when he was near, I used to gaze at him from distance. But via my sneakily taken video clips with mobile, i learned that he gazed at me when I walked near his place and felt really happy for that, hoping for the day that he will express his feelings for me in person. He had been a really nice person for me those days. But one day, when I looked at him from a closer distance than ever before and he smiled at me, I made a big mistake that will punish me perhaps my whole life. I didn't reply his smile and instead, faced down and walked away. Actually, I felt really happy seeing his smile and didn't know how to control that feeling and made a mistake. Maybe I should not have concealed it. And from that day onwards, i rarely saw him around me. I'm so repentant and sad now. I have determined to be brave and sincere with my heart in future. And I 'll treat him well the next time I see him. But I'm so afraid that day won't come. Now in deep depressed, repentant and sad. Will he come back to me?

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