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It's been 3 weeks since my love and I called it quits.. My story is a little different since he is 12 years younger than me, at 27 and I am 39 with 2 kids and baggage. We met at work, started talking and developed a deep friendship before becoming more. I was confused over the demise of my previous relationship (my kid's father) which lasted 15 years, and when we became intimate I still felt confused and pushed him I away many times because I thought he was too young and immature for me and I hadn't dealt with the previous relationship ending yet. He was determined to fight for me and we ended up staying together for 2 years. I did many things throughout the 2 years that broke his trust in me like breaking it off with him to take up with an old flame who I had never really got over. When the flame didnt work out, I realized that I had fallen in love with him and begged him to come back. Another time an old friend contacted me on fb and we started talking. It never meant anything to me, was simply chatting, not even sexual, but this man's wife decided to get ahold of my boyfriend and tell him that we were having an affair. He forgave me agian for this, when I revealed all the messages to him and once he read them, he could see that I had no intention to cheat. It still hurt him a lot that I kept it secret. I was naiive in this other man's intentions as I can be quite a pushover and easily pursuaded, but a good person at heart! I deeply love my boyfriend and cant imagine him not being there for me ever again. I miss his cuddles on the couch, his warm body in bed, his smile when I walk in the room, his confidence in me to be or do anything I put my mind to. Although I never meant to betray his trust, would never have cheated on him, he feels like I cant be forgiven and has chosen to part ways. I have been not eating, not sleeping, crying uncontrollably, writing letters and seeking the help of understanding friends. But nothing is helping and I feel like I want to die! I asked him to give me another chance today but he says he actually feels relief and is not willing to give everything of himself and not get it back again. He feels I am set in my ways and will not change. The hardest part is seeing him at work ever day. I am choking back tears constantly and shaking when he's in the room. It's like a scab getting ripped off everyday. The guilt is immense, the depression is crippling, I am weak, afraid, and desolate. I am 39 and feel like nobody will ever love me again the way that he did and I screwed it up. Don't know how to recover.

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