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First of all I want to say that I'm responsible for the decisions I make in my life. I knew better than to become involved with her. Once I made the decision to start seeing her (against my instincts) everything that happened after that is on me I blame her for nothing she is just being who she is. I thought that I had meet the most wonderful woman in my life the first 3-4 months that we were together then it was like a switch went on or off, I'm not sure which, and a different person came out. For the next 5 months I couldn't say the right thing or do the right thing enough. She broke up with me about once a month for my response to her bad behavior. She seemed to blame me for her unacceptable actions. I guess she thought that I was supposed to take what ever she decided to give me. It was always my fault. She owns little to know resposibility for the way things have turned out between us.She doesn't seem to care at all that I love her, miss her and would forgive her if she would just acknowledge that she hurt my feelings and say "I'm sorry please forgive me" I told her that it just wasn't cool or acceptable that we talk to one another like the others feelings don't matter. What I finally realized is she doesn't love me and probably never did. I told her that I never wanted her to be just another woman that I've slept with and if that was all she wanted in the beginning that I wasn't interested. Turns out thats all I was, a lay. My heart is full of love for someone I really thought it was her, I wanted it to be her. I'm missing her company and the time we spent together, early on. I kept hoping that maybe she would come around again after she dealt with whatever she seemed to be dealing with but now I realize that I'm trying to hold on to someone she doesn't care and probably moved on already althought we still talk some. After today I'm pretty sure that we won't even be doing that. I've been divorced for 12-13 years and really just haven't met anyone that I thought would be a good mate. I'm 50 years old now and it sucks to be home alone most nights. I think that I was in love with her, the idea and chance of having a nice long term relationship and not being lonely anymore."Ain't no sunshine when she's gone" ha! lol I'm sure to survive. I know in my heart that I would have stayed with her for a long time and tried to live,learn and grow and I also know that had I not been so lonely that I would have never gone against my insticts to see her in the first place. Don't ever do that to yourself. We have instincts for a reason and they work in fair weather and foul and (rarely) are they wrong. I will miss her for a time and not think of much else. I hope this is a lesson learned.

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