Story Rankings

Click here to become a member or
here to login to rate this story

The Story

I still find it hard to believe that my ex-girlfriend left me. We were best friends for 2 years, spent tons of time together, only had each other, and were in love. AFter a year of couple-hood, everything is now over and thrown away (time, money, energy).

I'm not sure that I saw it coming; I honestly thought that we were taking time off from each other and in time we'd reunite and be stronger than ever. Naive me, that initial sound of "I do not want to be in a relationship with you," and "I'm dating other guys," twisted my stomach and brought tears to my eyes. Of all the many things I felt, betrayal was first on my mind.

As I work through my 'heartbreak stages,' three ideas are plague me: what happens to these feelings? is opening up to another woman worth it? and I don't want to feel like this ever again.

So, what do I do with this one way love? How do I kill the feelings I have for my ex? I spent three years nurturing this heart and trying to become a better man. I spent so much time on my feelings for her, and now she doesnt want them. Furthermore, she doesnt want anything to do with me in that capacity (we don't even seem like friends anymore). If one way love equels obsession, then perhaps it's best to let the feelings die and lose that part of me with it (I liked who I was).


When I think about the future, I consistently end with the question, "is it worth it?" Sharing the best parts of me with someone else and, in turn, leaving myself open to harm doesn't seem worth it. I'm glad for all of the experiences, and realize that I learned many things about what I do and don't want. I recognize that she helped me heal through some major pains in my life. But now Here i am, set with another pain. It's a harder one to deal with; stems from losing a best friend. I feel like i'm all alone: I have no one to talk to and no where to go. My friends are all busy with their relationships, and I feel like I severely screwed up with my priorities, and I'm at fault for the break up. I screwed up big time and there's no going back. Is opening up to another person worth it? I'm split down the center on this one. Part of me thinks that this is life, its how we learn and grow, but the other part of me realizes that this is also what shuts me down. I can't stop thinking about my ex, i've tried visualization techniques and oral repitition (picturing a big bright red stop sign when I start to think about her, and repeating "I will not think about her") and I keep ending up in the same place. I've even tried god, I just wish i had one more opportunity to make things right. But no, this is the real world, and things seldom go the way I want.


I don't want to feel this pain ever again. Emotionally and physically, the pain hurts too much and too often: I get this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach, sometimes it feels like my heart is straining, I feel like i have no energy, I can't focus or concentrate, and whenever I have free time my thoughts go to her. This next one, i guess, is what brings me here: I feel like I can't express myself to her. I feel like no matter what I say, i'd be pushing her further away. I want to tell her all these things, i want to at least preserve a friendship, but Im so scared that if I reach out, she might take my actions negatively.

Taking off the armor is no longer an option for any of my future friendships. I'd rather be alone and strong than open to heart-break.

Click here to become a member or
here to login to reply to this story

Story Comments