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Ages ago, an older American friend told me: "Friendship with a nice young woman like you is like a waltz to me. I don't know for how long I can keep it but I will treasure every single moment of it. And when the music stops, you and I have to leave the dance floor, the wonderful feeling will still linger in my heart to cherish." That man was suffering PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) as most of US war veterans coming back from the Vietnam war. And he disappeared in mystery some months after our waltz started. His last email was still full of warmth and care. Deep down I believe that he left because he had no other choices. He left because he couldn't continue the waltz he enjoyed so much. And still now, he still occupies a place in my heart.

That old gentleman hasn't only left me sweet memories of a nice friendship but also a concept: a relationship is like a waltz.
And I call our relationship a spring waltz. When I think of it, there in my mind opens a picture of a meadow stretching to the horizon. Barefooted, arms spreading wide, smiles blooming on my face, I run towards the sun. My eyes are closed, my hair is swinging in the wind, I let the freshness of spring and sunlight caress my skin.

Then suddenly, I crash into a fence. Ouch, quite painful. I open my eyes, and everything becomes so gloomy. The sun has disappeared behind grey clouds, and then drizzle comes, wet and cold. Dropping on my knees, there I am, with the bruises and all dripping wet, trembling and scared.

Worries, frustration, anger, disappointment, tear drops. I think that’s enough for a waltz. Deep down I still hoped that he had a good excuse for the hit to the fence. Deep down I still hoped that at least he would give me an honest answer. He came to me, asking me to dance. And when he wants to end the waltz to take a rest or move to another woman in the ball, there should be some gentle ending words: “Thank you for the waltz but I must stop here.”

But it took him two weeks to say that sentence to me. Some days ago, after two weeks completely disappearing, he sent me an email, saying that he didn't know what had happened but the moment was gone. He no longer liked me.

What made me so shocked and hurt me so much is that before his disappearance, he was still very sweet and caring. Nothing happened at all. Then he made me so worried, sad, frustrated, etc because I couldn't understand why he just simply disappeared. And when I read his email, the pain hit me like a train could. I cried for hours then the next day, the numbness came. I felt nothing any more. No pain so sadness no happiness. Nothing.

And today is the second day after the email. I could cry again when I thought of him just a couple of weeks ago. This is not a chronological order but what else can you expect from a newly broken heart?

Well 5 months ago he found my profile on a dating site. He emailed me. The email was short but decent so I decided to reply although I rarely reply to messages there. There are hundreds in my mailbox there.

The first time we've chatted on skype, we've been talking continuously for nearly 12 hours. I've never been talking to someone for so long. He was so so enthusiastic. And we managed to chat daily for two months. Even between his two business trips, he tried to drop me some lines. His enthusiasm gained my trust.

Then he flew to my country to see me for one week. We became far closer when we could see how much care we could show each other in person. He was so gallant and always making sure I would not get hurt or feel uncomfy. At first we were both afraid of long distance relationships but then we couldn't resist each other (at least that's what I thought) so we decided to give it a go. He said he would arrange time and money to come back here soon.

Then he left for a business trip. I missed him like crazy. He couldn't get access to the internet in the mean time and as soon as he got home from a red eye, he emailed me and talked to me on skype. He remained caring and passionate for a couple of weeks more. So much tears of mine had fallen because of missing him but I was nurturing the hope that we would meet again. I started to really feel for him.

Then he disappeared for two weeks. And what happened next, you already know.

The thing is, he always had a chance to tell me the truth. I've always told him to be completely honest to me. But he has completely forgotten about me for two weeks until his friend and sister contacted him and told him to contact me. I know I may not be good enough to keep a man interested for a long time. But I've always been honest and kind to him. I don't think I deserve two weeks full of tears and confusion and a sudden hit like this.

How will I ever trust a man again? How will I ever open up my heart again?

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