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I think there is something wrong with me. My first experience with love was my ex-husband who turned out to be an alcholic and abusive.The result of that marriage was two of my beautiful children. I had not given up on love at that point and soon afterwards met my ex. I fell for him the night we met, that had never happened to me before, like so many other experiences I have had.The night we met, we spoke for hours like we knew each other our whole life. During our converstaion he would say something, I would reply and I would think I wish he would say this and he did everytime, it was like he could literally read my mind...I fell harder than I ever knew was possiable. At first he was everything I ever wanted I thought he was perfect, no matter how hard i tried I could not find any flaws. About six months later we moved in with each other and the truth started to show, only I didnt see it. I thought he was always tired because he worked so hard...it took his friend to tell me that, " Hey you know he is a drug addict right?" I didn't believe her of course, but as time slowly passed I did. By that time I ws pregnant with my youngest son and did not want to break my family up. For nine years I have dealt with him going in and out of rehab, and lying to me. Now obviously I hve left a lot of details out of this, but needless to say this man has broke me in a way I did not think I could be broken. He has had me on my knees begging, crying, and praying for help. Th ething is in the past nine years I have left him several times and I always go back. I know most of ya'll will think that was stupid and I got what I deserved for going back. But ask yourself this could you walk away from someone who could pick the thoughts out of your head the first night you met...something most people dont experience until after being in a relationship for years. You may say yes to that, and if you did then you are stronger than me. That is why I always went back, I believe that, that is something that happens once in a lifetime, if at all. In my heart I feel as if he is my other half. I have left him for a year and a half and I loved him every second, I tried to move on but couldnt. I still can't and I dont know what to do. I think something is wrong with me, becuase for whatever reason I seem to fall for people who have serious issues. Sometimes I wonder if I send a signal to men like that without realizing it. Has nyone ever expeirenced anything like this..where you couldnt walk away, not even to save yourself.

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Re: Addictions  July 6th, 2010