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My ex and I had been together for almost two years. Everything was okay for the most part. We were in love, so it still felt like nothing else mattered. Sure he had cheated on me before, several times. And lied, put other things before me: drugs, money, car, other girls...-But when you're in love, you're blind to a lot. Or at least try to be. He was my first. Not willingly so. Ive never willingly had sex. But the fact remains. Not to say that he raped me. It's just that I had never been in a relationship long enough to get so close to the other person. I never really had "the talk" before, and didnt think I had a choice. I just thought that was what girls were expected to do. He had cheated on me before, and kept saying that if I didnt give him what he wanted, he would get it from someone else. So I gave him what he wanted. And he still cheated. And I was stupid enough to forgive him. I really believed his stories, or at least I wanted to. This all happened my senior year of high school. That summer, well, this past summer, we had a lot of fun. I took him to wildwood NJ and King's Dominion VA. Yes, I paid. We went all over the place, all on my tab. He never paid for anything with me. Again, out of my own stupidity, I just thought that was how it was. Whenever he was broke he wanted to be around me, but when he had money, all of a sudden he was too busy for me...

At the end of the summer I went off to college and things really started to change. I stopped hearing from him. Whenever I came home on the weekends he never wanted to see me, or would only hang out with me when all his friends were there. Then he just stopped talking to me altogether. Its been three months and to this day i still dont know when it is we actually broke up. There was no finality. Just a sudden emptiness. I know that he was really no good for me, but it still hurts to have someone just stop caring about you, tell you you aren't good enough. That you never meant a thing. Ive learned a lot from the experience. And I am better, socially and physically. I joined the Marines. Seems a bit extreme to do, but it was something I'd always wanted to do, but he kept threatening to leave me if I ever did. (he had tried to join the Army, but the recruiter said he was too much overweight). It does feel good to do so much now, traveling and training, helping people. Im to the point where im still hurting, but im ready to move past it and find someone new to kill off the loneliness and share all I have to offer. Ive spent enought time alone to know myself and where I stand. Im stronger now. No matter how many times he made me feel like I wasnt pretty enough or sexy enough or thin enough. I know better than that. Im the full time bio student. Im the active duty Marine. Im the success story. And he'll always be the waste I left behind on my way to the top.

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