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I didnt believe in love. I had seen too much and was jaded. i fell in love with my best friend. We were soul mates (his description)and had tons of things in common. I was married and he is married. My husband had pretty much deserted me and my 2 kids. He only came home on weekends for 3 years even with me begging and threatening with a divorce.

My friend was there with me and supported me through it all. It was a whirlwind of love and attention that I had never know. Full of compliments and gifts and romantic gestures. Days and nights of sharing everything about us. Finally after I had the divorce paperwork and was filing, my spouse decided to move and live with me and our kids. But it was too late. I had moved on, emotionally, mentally and physically. Then began a year of hell and an abusive relationship until I finally called the police on my spouse.

Because of the pending divorce, my spouse refused to help with any bills and I ended up losing our home to foreclosure and had to move my kids into an apartment. Then I faced everything that comes with foreclosure, denied credit and high interest rates.

1 month after losing my home and divorce being finalized, the man I loved and had encouraged me through this with "dream of us" and "we will be together and I want you for my wife." dumped me at Christmas - my first christmas alone. He tells me hes back sleeping with his wife. I was devastated. I took an overdose of pills, sleeping pills, alcohol, pain pills and more sleeping pills.

Since then he has begged for me and said he was fighting for us, I took him back. I was so very hurt and blame him for the situation that Im in and my kids are in. I wouldnt have made life changes if I had known what I know today.

More to the story, 7 weeks ago he started an argument with me in our garage at work (we worked together) with him yelling at me. I asked him repeatedly to stop yelling and finally I left in tears and went home calling in sick to my boss. Security had been notified of him yelling and approached him. He gave our names and info. Needless to say, we were fired. He has refused to speak to me ever since. I do not know why he blamed me for being let go. My friennds knew he hated me before I finally was able to confront him. He had told them that He wasnt really into dme and never wanted to see me or talk to me again. He said it was all me.

So, now I've gone through hell for a year with an abusive husband, horrible divorce, foreclosure, not being able to buy my kids toys for christmas or birthday gifts, tons of stress fighting for child support every month, fired, betrayed by my lover/best friend and now completely devastated.

Ive had no one to talk to. My friends who knew of our relationship tell me to move on and to grow up. They tell me he didnt love me and played me. I cant sleep for 7 weeks now, Ive lost 15 pounds. I have cried continuously. I feel like my happiness has been taken away and my children need me. I have been a failure in so many ways. Oh and my friends tell me to stop with the self pity that I had a relationship and that Im acting alike a depraved lunatic. What I need are answers. How could I have given so much of myself to a person who has pretended to love me for years?

I thought we had something special. it was special to me. I truly love him and I shouldnt. I should hate him. I have been faithful to him even after all of this. I have no interest in being with anyone else. I am completely sad. I can not seem to let anything go. I had considered letting my kids stay with their dad for a while becuase Im so depressed and now I dont have a job. But he doesnt want them. (oh and he has a fiance - LOL). I feel like I played the game of love with my whole heart and Im the one who has come out the loser.

Doesnt anyone believe in fighting for love anymore? All the songs today have fighting for love and all the movies have it too, but when you actually do it in real life everyone says you need therapy. I have stayed away from him. Ive written him notes but havent sent them because I go from being hurt, to angry, to sad, then a brief spell of optimism. then it starts all over.

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