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well, I have to admit that I'm really afraid when the sun already goes down. Cause that time really makes me really miss him and cry. we were planning to get married this october though we were facing a hard time from my family and we have different religious belief. But we thought what the heck...we love each other, that's what matter the most. He was a widower with 2 kids and me never been married. since the beginning of the relationshiop we already facing a lot of problems but th rocky times made us growing stronger to each other. Until his company collapsed and he starting to change. He still told me that he really love me and still gonna keep going with our wedding. But lately he just change so much. sometimes I coulcn't contact him at all. his mobile off for days and he was just disappear. the worst thing is, I starting to get a phone call from a woman who claims that she's is his wife. Honestly i didn't know. i just know that his wife died already cause of cancer. I did ask him about this before but he just said no and he just told me to trust him. Yes, so foolish of me. i did believe him. I trust him. until he's totally out of control by come and go as he likes, the phone switch off for days and finally I got some more calls from a woman who really mad at me cause we're gonna get married soon.
I know deep in my heart, I can't be with him. not only I don't even know the truth about him but I feel that I'm nothing for him though he keeps telling me that he love me. I feel like I'm just his pet. But it's so hard to accept the reality that I loese him. I do really love him. It hurts me if I remember the pain that we've been through together but he don't care about that now.
But I just don't get it. why I have to meet him if we're not supposed to be together? Why he just come and go as he likes? why he lie to me?
I gave him evrything just to make him happy. I even agreed to get married in his belief. why he has to treat me like this? why he just don't care about my feeling? what hurts me the most , we're planning our wedding this october and it just 3 months away. I know that i have to let him go but it's so hard.

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