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The Story

All this started on December 10, 2007, the day I met the man I would fall head over heels in love with. We met in a somewhat unusual way that is becoming increasingly more common: online. I was awe struck by him from the very beginning and it was apparent that he was deeply interested in me. We talked for hours on a daily basis; we shared deep and intimate things with each other that niether of us would think of telling anyone else. We connected and sparks flew. By February 13, 2008 we made it official and began our long distance dating realationship with him in Ohio and me in Virginia. We felt as though we were worlds apart and so it wasn't long before he made the drive to come see me and meet my family; my parents and best friend thought he was great. We spent three days together and they were pure bliss, except for the moment he left to go back to Ohio. That was heart wrenching for both of us. Time marched on and we maintained our relationship. We spent time together as often as we could but our circumstances didn't allow for us to be together nearly as often as we would have liked. I was in college and he was working a full time job and supporting his three year old daughter from a previous failed relationship. By the end of summer I was playing around with the idea of uprooting and moving to Ohio to be with him. I knew that he was the one for me and I couldn't begin to imagine my life without him. We were crazy in love and spoke often of getting married. He told me that he supported my decision and the thought of coming home to me each day and being able to spend time with me on a regular basis thrilled him. And so in September I went to see him again. We had a wonderful time together and we managed to find an apartment that we both liked. On November first I left my job, my family and my friends and moved to Ohio to start my new life with the man I loved. Things were wonderful. We went through an adjustment period and had a few rough times but we always managed to smooth things out and move on. I had a difficult time finding work and our financial situation put a strain on our relationship but still we moved forward. He managed to gain joint custody of his daughter and after about two months and she became a regular part of our lives. We were like a family. He went to work six days a week to support both his daughter and I while I stayed home and took care of Nevaeh (his daughter), cooked, cleaned and kept the laundry and ironing done. After some time I managed to find a part time job and started going to work four nights a week on top of everything else I was doing. I loved it. I am the type of woman who finds fulfillment in being a wife and a mother. I lived to serve Denny. I waited on him hand and foot, not because I had to or he made me, but because I wanted to. I made sure that he had a clean, orgainized house to come home to, a hot meal every evening, clean, pressed clothes to wear and anything else he wanted. I also made sure that his daughter had her every need met while she was in my care. I treated her like she was my own child. I fed, clothed and bathed her. I took her to the park and to the library, read to her, and made an effort to teach her things like colors, the alphabet, nursery rhymes, simple songs, manners and good morals. I can honestly say that I know for a fact that I took a greater interest in her life than her own mother did and does. Nevertheless, all of that seems to mean nothing now. A few weeks ago Denny and I had a fight. I used his cell phone to send a text and discovered something that caused me to become concerned and made me question his loyalty and faithfulness to me. When I brought it to is attention one thing led to another and he ended up getting defensive, angry, and acting downright mean to me. He said something to me that infuriated me and I moved towards him in a rather aggressive manner and attempted to slap him across the face. I was unsuccessful because he blocked my hand but my actions caused him to get so angry with me that he dumped me. I figured that he really didn't mean it because when he said it when he was angry (he often says things he doesn't mean when he is angry) and everthing would blow over and we would be fine but it hasn't been like that.

Tomorrow will be the three week mark since our fight. He doesn't seem as angry and we have talked several times about everything. I apologized to him for trying to slap him and admitted that I should have practiced more self control in the situation. I swore to him that it would never happen agian and begged him to trust me and give me a chance to prove myselft to him. He says that he can't stand the thought of being in a relationship where it is possible that he may get slapped again. (I honestly think that he is being a little ridiculous. It's not like he is a tiny little guy. He can bench over 300lbs. A slap across the face wouldn't hurt him. But, maybe it goes deeper than that...maybe it's a respect issue.) He says he needs time to think things over and decide whether or not he is willing to give me another chance. So I have been here for the last three weeks, waiting and wondering, hoping that he will realize that despite what happened he loves me and wants to move on with me at his side. It has been pure hell for me. I wake up each morning not knowing if today is going to be the day that he comes home and tells me he doesn't love me anymore and we should date other people. I keep praying that he will come to me and tell me that he has forgiven me and take me in his arms and tell me again that he loves me. What makes the situation worse is that I still see him everyday. He hasn't moved out and I have no place else to go except for back to Virginia (and I don't want to do that.) I'm so confused because sometimes he acts like nothing has happened. He has been sleeping in our bed with me, joking with me and being playful and intimate. We have even made love a few times since our fight. But, when I ask him if he is over it he says he still doesn't know what he wants to do. All that we have established so far is that he definitely still has feelings for me, he is attracted to me and he isn't going to make me leave and go back to Virginia. I tried to express to him that it is pure torture for him to lead me on and give me false hope and keep me in the dark. I begged him to make a decision soon so I will know what I need to do. So I am holding out hope that he will realize that he needs me as much as I need him and that he will come to realize that very, very soon. Patience has never been one of my strengths.

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