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You see, I made straight A's and all though this guy worked his butt off, it just wasn't happening. Literally, we were partners in crime. I could match his handwriting, I would even do projects and write essays for him. This is how this mess, also known as a friendship, started.

Do you remember those girls in high school who were whores and actually proud of that fact? Yea well, those are the girls his friends hung out with, so therefore he followed the crowd. I never fit into "that" crowd and never tried to, and never will try to. Although this guy, my friend, walked around like he could give a flying flip, he was lacking major confidence in himself.
You know when someone really lets their guard down? Yea, he did that with me and vice versa. Naturally it turned into more, but it's like no one could see that. It's been a rough year with deaths in our families, issues about our future, ect.

And then, it's like a giant storm came through in December and it's all down hill. Fine. Whatever. We went out on a date and had planned to hang out, like the next day.

And then it started. He started ignoring me. I asked him what was wrong and he said he's just a little freaked out that I told him I loved him. I have being telling him that for years. I even asked him earlier this year if that bothered him and he said it didn't. We have never even..."you know."

That just didn't make sense to me. He ignored my calls and when I would see him, he would act like everything was okay.

Now I'm generally optimistic. I'm not a very open person, so when I let someone in my heart, it's a huge deal, and I can't just up and let him go. But I got to where being optimistic just wasn't doing me any good so started to get really upset and hurt. I could tell he felt bad, he would promise we would talk, he would call me and tell me what was really going on, ect. Of course -- STUPID ME! -- I believed every single word out of his mouth. Of course, this hurt even more. So I wrote him a final note. It pretty much went along the lines of: Let me know when you start being yourself again because all this crap lately is not you. It's a freaking joke and you know it. I also told him I'd always be there for him but he has to come to me. He refuses to tell me what in the world I did! But yet he's acting like everything is just freaking okie dokie.

Today he did it, again. I started crying. He hates when I cry because apparently it makes him feel like an ass. So I demanded that he tell me today. He said that he would. And we did. But when he walked up to me, his mood completely and utterly changed. In a very strict tone he told me, "Look, I don't know what it is that you want to talk about or that we need to talk about." I, again, started to tear up. And he goes, "See -- you're about to cry! We're not talking about this because you're going to get upset and everyone is going to see." He admitted that there is something wrong but HE WON'T TELL ME! So he got pissed and got in his truck but before he slammed the door in my face, I asked why he was ignoring me. He then yelled in my face, "You call me all the f'ing time. You've called me like 150 times in the past couple days!" That is complete bull CRAP! We used to talk on the phone every night so that's what I'd do, I would call him at night, as usual. A lot of times he'd be asleep so he would always tell me to call him a few times so it'd wake him up. Well maybe if he didn't treat me like crap all of a sudden, I wouldn't feel this urgent need to talk to him (aka my boyfriend for the past year and a half and best friend for the past 7 years). I have told him time and time AND TIME AGAIN how I feel and I'm sick of putting my heart and happiness in his hands. I told him that I'm just so upset because he's been ignoring me and it hurts me feelings that he can't tell me what's up. It REALLY hurts. It's like he's all of a sudden up and decided he's too good for me. I've not only lost my boyfriend, but above all and more importantly, my best friend! But I can't take it anymore. I can't keep trying. I can't keep worrying about someone who all of a sudden, out of the blue, seems to almost hate me.

I've decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. This time I'm ignoring him. Next time I see him in person, I'm going to flat out ignore him. He's very sensitive but you know what, I DON'T CARE if his feelings get hurt! They deserve to get hurt. He even admitted on our last date that he has put me through a lot. And when he realizes what has given up, I honestly don't know if I'm going to be there for him anymore. I don't know if I can? I think the future is freaking him out, not me. He needs to deal with his shit and not blame it on me. You know what, I'd rather be pissed at him and focus on that as oppose to thinking about what an amazing friend I'm about to loose, or maybe I have?

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