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We met in october and december 24th he asked me to be his girlfriend... we did the break up then make up too many times but it stope by sophmore year... we got real serious and he gave me a promise ring.. He promised he would never break my heart. ...... I love him.



Me and you. We were supposed to be together forever we were supposed to get married and have this life. But you quit on me. I still can’t figure out y. It’s all a blur from when we were together till now. I don’t understand y or how. All I know is that I miss you and it hurts because you love her and not me. All the time I invested in you … in us. You have the audacity to say u love someone else. It’s disgusting. How dare you. And even if I could have you back you’re tainted. Because I never stopped loving you and I never forgot our jokes and you caresses. But u did. You adapted yourself to another girl and you actually gave your heart to someone else. And that makes me gag. I have actually spent hours throwing up think about your hands on someone else because you love them. If it was casual sex I wouldn’t care but. I love you and you couldn’t handle that. I wonder if you ever missed me….. I wonder if you ever loved me. Was four years a lie…..? Was it just fun? I worked so hard to find you in someone else. To find your affection in an other guys arms and I failed and without you my life doesn’t work. You were my balance you were why I had aspirations you are y I wanted to bust my ass in college you are why I’m in this college. All for you. Because I actually wanted to have your children. But you took that away from me. I was supposed to have a beautiful wedding with you and we were supposed to have an amazing honey moon and now I won’t … I will never see any of it. But you know I don’t blame you cus at the end it’s my fault. I was difficult and annoying because I wanted attention. Attention you said you couldn’t give me. I wanted to love you but you had moved on. I regret calling 911 that day…… that day it could have been over and I wouldn’t have had to go through what you put me through when I begged and pleaded you to get back together. I hate myself for not being brave enough to do it. I should’ve held on just a little bit longer to the pain … and It could’ve been over.
I have many sleepless nights wishing I could have your touch back. I convince myself every morning that I have moved on and that I don’t need you. But by night my heart gets weak and I’m right back where I started … right back at the day I figured out I had to love me. But loving me isn’t enough…it never has been. Why? I was never satisfied with anything I always wanted more… More money, love, friends, awards, parties, food, alcohol… I must admit I turned to alcohol to drown my sorrows. But it didn’t work. I could never drink enough to forget you or cry long enough to get you out of my heart. It’s been 4 months and I’m devastated but you have moved on. You love Lindsey and you too look happy together. And the only thing I have to do is cry and hope I just die soon because there is nothing worse than seeing the man of dreams loving another woman. If only she knew I cried every night and that even though I want you to be mine every time I bring myself to see a picture I send you both good thoughts and luck.
Now I need to go to sleep … its 4 in the morning and I’m exhausted from crying. What really hurts now is that you will never read this and neither will she. Or maybe you will but it will be too late. It’s not you it’s me. I was always the problem; I didn’t appreciate you enough I guess. But god I miss you so. I would give anything in the world for you to be mine again. It’s free to dream right? Now I understand why there are some people that don’t care about being rich. Because with you I didn’t mind being poor and working because I knew I had you to come back to. I didn’t care that you didn’t have a car and that we had to wait to save up to go out on dates. I love you so it doesn’t matter. I really hope that one day I can find that again. It was amazing to be in love. After I still believe that it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. I will always remember the day you gave me the promise ring on the bus. The time when I hurt my leg and you helped me limp to school. The time at the river, that was the first time I had ever cried out of joy. The time when you called me crying cus your dad was beating your step mom. The time you told me about your real parents. The day you took my virginity. And all the nights you told me pretty things till I fell asleep. You know what you did love me. But the difference is I still love you just the same as when we were teenagers. And what’s scary is that I can’t see that changing anytime soon.


No matter what I think about you are still there. It’s like having a bad dream every night and all day long. It’s pathetic how I still look at my phone sometimes wishing there was a text from you. And I check my email every couple of days thinking that one day you will want me back in your life. What I feel I can only wish to my worst enemy. It takes over completely, I feel depression, low self esteem, and my body hurts especially my stomach. And when I really feel like I miss you I can’t breathe right my chest starts to hurt, I get cold and nauseous. Kind of what I’m feeling right now. I guess the years will do this to someone. T his is so bad. I really wish I was over you.


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