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In late August I met the woman of my dreams on a local online personals service. We sent e-maila for about a week before scheduling a face-to-face. We exchanged photos and immediately felt the chemistry - on both sides. During that week we found so much common ground, and I never told her for fear of scaring her off, but I knew I was already feeling the beginnings of falling in love with her.

During our face to face, which started well, I was go excited to see her, and she felt the same way. I just wanted to enjoy her company. She, on the other hand, had an agenda -- she didn't want to leave until she had fully assessed our chances together. So she asked all sorts of personal questions about my past two marriages and a single post-divorce relatiionship. I was open, frank, and honest. On the basis of my past she changed her mind about our chances, telling me that between my baggage and hers she had serious doubts of our long-term potential. She also thought I was a bad judge of women and she couldn't trust that I could be a good judge of her. And that was that.

I haven't cried since the loss of my last dog, and he deserved it. I wanted to, but couldn't. I was just bitter, angry, dejected, and depressed. I never want to date again. I've lost my trust in women. 24 hours before our meeting I was thinking she would be the great love of my life. I would have done anything for her, and there was nothing that I heard that I couldn't have lived with. But she needed as close to perfection in her choice as possible, I guess.

I wish I could cry. I'm just numb. I'm so tired.




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