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The Story

well the relationship was long term im not so sure about the heartbreak

this is the story of me and my fiance coz i guess a couple of people were wondering what also happened with that.
i met my fiance (i am going to call him aiden since i dont like using real names) at uni through a friend who convinced me to come to school with her. we actually went to school together for a while before anything actually happened. it was like one day it was noraml and the next we were going out. but anyway he seemed like a really nice guy and for the first few months he was. i finally thought i had found a guy that loved me no matter what and no matter how i looked would always make me feel like i was beautiful. i think thats one of the reasons i said yes when one day, out of the blue, he proposed to me. even though we were both quite young for something like that i figured we could wait a few years before we actually got married and that way if we had jumped into it etc we had time to work all that out. even with those thoughts aside i was really happy that i was spending the rest of my life with someone like he was at the time... but that was at the time. i even lost my virginity to him.
it was all good for the first five months and we went on being the same as we had always been and removed any shadows of doubt that had been cast by the quick decision. i would say it started to go wrong when he got kicked out of home because he did something that upset his mum. obviously since he had nowhere else to go it was the pretty obvious move to move in with me. and just in case you are already thinking that it was coz we moved in together you are wrong. even the first month or so he lived here went perfect... it was when his mum started bringing around all his stuff and with it came the computer, now you can make assumptions of why the cracks began to form.
i knew that prior to me when he had had no social life and no interest in one aidan had been addicted to the computer, or specifically a game, called world of warcraft. now at this point i did not have internet connected at my house so he couldnt play that particular game but the more time the computer spent at my house... the more time he was spending on it. at first i thought, and he even told me this, that it was just because he missed his friends on the game and was trying to fill that space but it continued to worsen.
some nights we would just be mucking around and i would ask him not to do something and he would get angry and throw me to the floor or yell at me for no reason. whenever i would ask him about it he would pretend he didnt remember or that he didnt do that and it was all in my head. i noticed in the weeks following that i spent more time crying as he became an angrier person and got more and more distant and giving his pc more attention.
he told me that world of warcraft was what he needed to be happy and i wanted to make him happy so i got him what he wanted... an internet connection so he could play again. i guess that was where i made my mistake. i would notice sometimes that he would get really angry at the game and hit things and yell. one of the things that really terrifies me is anger of frustration so i was starting to get scared. but not only did he become more violent because of the game, he got further pulled into the game and would spend days on it at a time completely ignoring me unless he needed something to take his anger out on. i could walk into the room naked and he wouldnt notice me. soon came a time that he demanded attention and sex or more to the point sex. by this time i had tried to comprimise and resolve things a few times and although he made me promises about them there was never any resolve and no give on his side of the bargain. i was beginning to let my self drift away from him but was still holding onto the hope that the guy that i was in love with would come back after he got over the fact he had the game back. and even if i had wanted to give him sex i couldnt because sex had become very painful for me and the doctor told me not to do it for a few months or it could lead to consequences of a nasty nature.
i dont understand why that wasnt good enough for aiden and it got to a point that my conscent no longer mattered to him... if he wanted sex he would take it no matter what i said. i thought that was bad enough but he had drilled into me that sex was what a good girlfriend did and if i didnt give it the guy had the right to take it and i was a bad fiance. it didnt help the fact that i had been raped multiple times when i was younger.
he started getting really angry when i would talk to my friends because in his eyes if he wanted attention he should get it. he was so jealous that i was talking to my best friend when she was at my house he just walked out of the study and sat there listening in trying to shift my focus and when that didnt work he hit me so hard in the jaw it knocked one of my teeth out. it got so bad that one day while i was on the phone to a friend he kicked me in the stomach and ribs repeatedly breaking three of my ribs and causing slight internal bleeding. i also found out later that as a result of the damage he had caused the chances of me mothering children one day are so small they are slmost non existant.
stuff like this went on for months until i finally knew that soemthing had to be done. i couldnt fix it anymore because he was too fargone from the person he once was... i just needed to get the negitivity out of my life. it took me a while to figure out how to do it especially since i was scared of how he would react and i didnt want him to go crazy again and hurt my mum or my animals because i knew he wouldnt let me go. so i formulated a plan to get him out of the house quietly and luckily it worked. finally when he was out of the house i managed to break it off with him.
it still didnt stop him though, he kept turning up at my house and threatening suicide among other things like killing me. it got so bad that i almost had to get a restraining order against him. thankfully that never eventuated because to get me back he tried to turn nito the old aidan again but by this time he had lost me and he finally let me go... but not before freaking me out by leaving me a suicide note and trying to kill himself. by the nest time we spoke i had another boyfriend so he really couldnt lay claim to me anymore. i am not happy with the way things had to end and some of the things he did really fucked me up. i have emotional and physical scars that i will live the rest of my life with because of it. it just goes to show how you love someone and you really think that you know them but in reality you have no clue who they really are.
thankfully i am not hurting over this anymore and even though there are some things i will never forget i have moved on and will hopefully be able to find someone who really does love me for me and can accept the fact that i can never give them children.

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