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We technically met two years ago while I was vacationing in Miami. He was a bouncer at a club and I was a thirty-something chick who was having fun with her girlfriends and enjoying a fun filled summer. We didn't meet again until the following year through one of our friends who lived there. We began talking as just friends and I explained to him that I was getting over a long term relationship of 5 years and that I was severly hurt and self conscious of myself. He was great at understanding and listening and most of all making me laugh. I never went into deep detail of that former relationship with him as I didn't want to talk about it. However, as time passed our conversations seemed so natural and my smiles felt so relaxed and not forced. I had my hesistations of dealing with anyone after 5 years and I reminded myself that we were having fun as friends.

Then one day we both agreed, that we missed each other enough to want to see each other in person. We had spoken so much on the phone that we were comfortable enough being in the same space for a few days. So he flew me to Miami for a few days of relaxation and most of all to have fun. We hung out and I had a wonderful time and I couldn't even explain the closeness that I felt towards him. It felt so natural, distance did not bother either of us until we realized that we wanted to be together forever. We had decided that I would move down there and then our major argument occurred. Sometimes I feel that its the argument that just effected everything. I opted not to move down and said I needed the space to get me together. In reality I got scared of him caring for me and then dumping me like my ex did. He worked at just being my friend that whole time. Then one day he said he did something that got him in a lot of trouble. I thought it could be fixed, I was wrong.

As time went on we got closer and my love grew for him as his was already there for me. However, the problem that he created in his own life kept growing. We had initally planned once his son graduated from highschool we would move together somewhere. Obviously this did not come to pass as I'm on this website typing my story.

I took, what seemed like my last flight down to see him recently. I prayed for a good weekend and for us to have fun, but instead what I experienced this weekend was someone who has become as cold as a Robert DeNiro character in a mob movie. He has become just like the people in the streets, the villans that we all hate when we watch Mob movies. He was cold and every now and then I saw the man I once knew. I felt so helpless against this person that seemed so cold and non comunicative towards me. All I could think about is what we were, and he told me what he was when we were was gone. The person I fell in love with was only in pictures that we had together and he was someone different. Someone who could not show love anymore to me or to anyone for that matter. His love for me had not changed but if he had to go away he didn't want to think about me.

I felt hurt, angry, betrayed, disgusted, nautious and dizzy all in one blow. Here I am not having the atypical relationship problems as other people. Here I am with a guy I could talk too, love for the rest of my life who made me feel so beautiful all around. I felt like his queen and that no matter what the world thought of me he loved me, but I can't have him anymore because he made a stupid turn in his life.

I guess lifes directions are funny like that. We get to forks in the road and sometimes its that one turn that decides so much in our future. In my case, I should have tried to work through my hesitations to keep someone that I loved. Thats my fork in the road, to be scared or to step on a limb. His fork in the road well to live a new life with me or to dance with the devil. I guess this time the devil won...well at least for right now, I guess.



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