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We'd been together two years. I thought she was THE ONE. I really and truly loved her. Still do, but I'm trying not to. She's never coming back.

She ended it cause it just would never work for us in the long run. And I knew it too. But I tried not to admit it. She was too Japanese. I was too American. We wanted different things.

I just can't believe how easily she cut me out of her life after all that time though. It makes me wonder if I ever really knew her at all.

She wasn't the hottest girl. Not the sexiest. Not the cutest. But she was perfect to me. Her smile lit up an entire room. She was seriously my favorite girl, maybe out of the thousands I have met in my life.

Right now in Japan it's in the afternoon. She'll probably go out with friends or something. Maybe she even has a new lover. I don't know. I don't want to know. But I miss her. And I think about how I bought her a skirt for her birthday last year that certainly wasn't short enough to be considered a mini, but she was still too shy to wear it. That's the kind of girl she is. Was.

So I am writing this here, to kind of exorcise myself of the memories...to try to just let it go, cause I can't have any kind of life if her ghost is haunting me all the time. I really do hope she's happy and has a good life, but right now I don't want to know about it. It hurts too much. I hope someday I will be in a place where that kind of knowledge won't hurt me.

My blessed friend...I can't even express in words how much I miss her...she literally completed me...she was everything I ever wanted in this life, and now she's just a stranger...she's gone forever and I'll never see that incredible radiant smile or those warm soft eyes ever again. And if I had a gun, I'd probably blow my brains out right about now...

People get so hung up on sex...for me the thing I miss most was all the happiness that comes with the post-coital experience with someone you really, REALLLLY dig...you know...the staring into their eyes and smiling like a retard and not really knowing why, nor being able to stop. The deep sighs of satisfaction and relief in the knowledge that this person you've fantasized about so long REALLY EXISTS and they are right there in your actual real arms as living breathing proof. And then, after a little while, listening to and registering the slow rhythmic breathing of the one you love, sleeping in your arms, completely content and feeling safe and secure, knowing they can rest the whole night next to you and have absolutely no worries until waking.

And now she's gone, and she'll never wake up in my arms again.

Will anyone?


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