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He was suppose to be the last man I would ever be with, the last name I would take, and the father of our children, but obviously those plans weren't good enough. But in saying that I must say I'm kind of impatient. We lived with his parents for 4 years and we talked about marriage often, and we were sure that we were meant to be!!! Well in this long relationship we had our problems that we never worked on so those things kept building up over time and it ruined what we had. In telling you that I should say my tolerance for men's inevitable bullshit is extremely high, he went sailing over that threshold by miles!!!!
He decides to take his annual vacation and extend it by a week. And then tells me that I couldn't go. (I couldn't go anyhow I had just started a new job.) Well at that remark I shut down, it was literally that straw that broke the camels back!! I completely broke down. But you would be pissed to if your other half flat out told you, you weren't getting a vacation that year because he wanted an extra week out of town to himself, (With his now new girlfriend that is. That's not a definite But I'm pretty damn sure it's true after all that he and I have been through.)So I left him and held my ground about it and when I finally wanted for us to be okay again after lots of thinking and many conversations about how things just needed to be different, he decides that I'm no longer good enough for him. Nor am I grunge enough or punk enough, or whatever the f**king hell it is she has that I don't. Yet for some reason he wanted to drag my heart around for an extra few months, which made the actual end all the harder. What’s sad to me is that after all he put me through and all I stuck through he couldn't forgive me of my one mistake.

In my personal opinion that say's a lot about how he really felt about me!!! But still to this day he tells me how much he loved me and we were great and this that and the other!!!

Well if we were so great then why are we not together?!?!?! Sometimes I know I'm better off, but the nights get lonely, and I get sad so much to the point I wonder why I was allowed to go through that in the first place.

How do you spend every waking moment of 4 years with someone and then decide you need 2 weeks away from that person??? It made no since to me then and it makes no since to me now!!! I just don't understand how we were so good and he let it just slip away and to make matters all the more confusing he still tells me he loves me...................................
And I must confess I still stay it back.

How should this end, we were best friends before we got together and all I really want now is to have my friend back.......... in my arms forever.


But that's okay I know it will never happen I just have to learn to deal with the pain.

Thanks For Listening,
Gems!


P.S. Yeah I know I still sound angry, but he wouldn't even leave me my heart when he left town. :(

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