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The Story

Now that I am healed, I think I can talk about this story. I hate thinking about it because it makes me feel stupid of how I felt for this guy. Sorry if it is long and boring. I'm not great at writing things like this.
This story takes place about a year ago of June 2006. I had been friends with a group of people from my ward and we were all pretty close. Events were occuring and things were beginning to change. My friend Andrew was getting married and my friend Darren began dating my friend Jessica. So I kind of became use to being the dateless girl in the group. This one guy in my group who shall be called Igor was also the other kind of loner with no date. Well we kind of began hanging out more because when we did things with our friends, it was like we were the third couple.
We would joke about dating each other and shared many laughs. This happened for a couple of months. I then began to realize that I liked him, and it scared me. He kept inviting me to things. He took me to the driving range and taught me how to swing at a golf ball, took me 4-wheeling, took me to his family's house (who all knew about me), picked me up when I was stranded, wanted to take a class with me at UVSC, and went camping where we got pretty close. I kept thinking to myself that he really was showing interest, and so I let my feelings embrace that I did like him.
Well after three months of this, I began getting confused and impatient to why he wasn't "sealing the deal." I wanted him to kiss me, but he never would. I wanted to tell him my feelings, but I couldn't do it because I get shy. I kept talking to people for advise which helped, but I wanted him to intiate the next step.
I remember it was October 30 and I was talking to my brother about my frustrations. He told me that maybe I should write a letter in expressing my feelings. Well I ended up writing a two page letter to Igor. I put all my heart and soul into it, and was set on giving it to him. My heart was beating out of control when I went to make the phone call. I felt all this anxiety inside me that I was shaking. I made the call and he didn't answer. I was crushed. After that I couldn't give him the letter. I wasn't motivated anymore.
After awhile things just got bad. He kept ignoring my phone calls, he didn't even want to hang out with me, and to make things worse his stupid roommate tried to get a bootycall from me. I finally gave Igor his last chance on January 15, 2007, at a party. He completely ignored me and wouldn't even look at me, I was crushed and left the party early. I wasn't going to give him the time of day for treating me like that.
I remember I went home and cried myself to sleep that night. I was so heart broken and angry at myself for wasting 7 months of my life on him hoping we would eventually workout. I had a hard time letting go and that's why it took me til last January to finally get over it. I always feel really embarrassed thinking about that wasted time. It ended a friendship because I couldn't tell him my feelings, but he never had the guts to tell me he wasn't interested in the end or that his feelings had changed. It makes me mad that he lead me on for so long. Luckily I have moved on and my life is much happier with people who care about me.


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